On ‘Gayness’ (and beyond)

Introduction 

Homosexuality. That’s a good word to start of an article by. I would prefer to start with ‘Sexual Difference. a term that has changed in perception and within its own camp.” No wait, that’s bad too for two reasons.

Prologue

Channel 4 has recently, or currently (is ?) having a season of programmes concerining homosexuality. Titled ‘Gay season’. These programs chart the cultural impact, the social impact, the political impact, and the historical impact of a somewhat quiet revolution in Northern (the term western I don’t feel applies as much) society. The slow general acceptance of sexual difference does not include homosexuality as a whole, but it may, I think, start from it.

Homosexuality and its address, within the minds of strait-laced Christian folk is very much different (too grand in terms, I know there are exceptions) to their own way of being. I learned a little about the Gay culture, things like Gaydar, cruising, rimming (and other such acts), have formed a lifestyle; of course ‘Gay’ isn’t synonymous with homosexual. Homosexuality in men and women suffers a terrible stereotype. How are we, the members of Noumenal realm to understand homosexuality? My goodness, I have no Idea! I can’t even understand sexuality, the nature of persons, love, relationships or the emotions (presupposition concepts that relate to a proper understanding homosexuality). I think I am quite hopeless to try and understand this phenomenon.

So, a philosophical or sociological account is out of the window (for now). Lets try to understand it in laymen terms. People say there is a lot of crap on the internet, the following is a strong candidate of such…

Homosexuality as ‘wrong’?

Gay is used as a term of derision, and it even seems to be used in some contexts as a non-sexual reference, yet it is denigratory. For example:

“That is such a Gay shirt!”

Homosexuality was often talked about in my school upbringing. I remember once a teacher (Mr. Nichols) said ‘what are you, a p**f?’ to two boys holding hands. Everyone laughed, because a teacher said something that the pupils would say, in doing so, the teacher endorses the acceptability of such derision, he added ‘what, isn’t that what you are if you do that sort of thing? a nancy boy? bender?’. At the time, it was the funniest thing we ever heard in school. I laughed at it, a big part of the humour was that the teacher expressed himself as ‘one of us’, he endorsed the schoolboy insults that we did. Please forgive me, I was bearly 11 years old.

I know friends who don’t like femininity, who construct insults and phrases upon a tacit assumption that men who are emotional, sensitive, caring, open minded, or honest about their fears and feelings, are weak, less, gay. I many a friend who says ‘I am not homophobic, but…’ [I think one of us has done an article on this before].

I must be honest and say that in the most general sense, change, or difference is challenging. This week I changed my diet a little bit. It felt uncomfortable, and almost wrong, many people begin mental trauma in virtue of change in environment. I remember feeling really low someone close had to move away and I couldn’t see her very much, someone who I loved very dearly. What I had to learn was, this change had to come about, or that I had nothing I could have done to change it, and most importantly, life goes on and we must accept a change of furniture in the room of society.

Change in furniture is too vague, having a Gherkin in London is a change, having more taxes is a change, or a new supermarket. The change relating to sexuality is far more invasive on society, it changes our minds, not bodies. We have come to change our mindset as a society, to come to terms with the difference people have in their lifestyle. So people may not like those of the opposite sex, okay then.

Sex on the menu

Now that we have sexuality in the social consciousness, and as a category that people use to comprehend the manifold of identity claims and identity differences in society, we can move beyond the ‘is he gay/straight’? issues. What else is there?

Paraphilia (look it up

Celebacy (I saw an article recently about how people choose to not have so much sex, against the assumption everyone’s doing it these days – oddly enough it was on the daily mail)

Monogamy?

The nature of relationships in general; cohabitation, or ‘fuck-buddies’

Intimacy versus physicality

Spatial difference; relationships (serious and casual) established through the internet, for example (or video dating tape – sorry)

Virginity; and the commodification of the body as a fetishistic (in the Marxist sense) object

M & S (or S&M – for crude pun purposes)

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