The Boundaries in Relationships

I’ve been looking at Michael’s other ‘literary’ project recently and I find a very different side to him. I think the fact that he is anonymous in the other project [which we won’t name] makes him more able to express other sides of himself than the one-dimensional Kant/heavy metal weirdo. This makes me think…

Do we create boundaries in our relationships? Boundaries which are such that seem more difficult to be broken; and are these boundaries beneficial?

My intuition was that lovers would never have a boundary; but there seem to be all kinds of things they would not talk about, maybe politics, or their work (particularly if they have the same or opposing occupation). I don’t think perhaps the star-cross’d would talk about how much their families or parties hated each other, but would love in spite of those difficulties.

What about between close friends? For men, talking about one’s feelings, one’s hopes, ones longings and aspirations can often be taboo subjects. Maybe some friends only talk about mutual interests, and not the outside worlds and circles to which they belong.

I find it disturbing.

I remember once when I fell in love; I told her about everything, and the dynamic of our relationship was quite fun insofar as we were so honest about ourselves; we talked about when we wanted to go to the toilet, cooking, family, friends, hopes, philosophy, science, cartoons, the 90s, and anything under the sun; I felt so intimate with her that we felt comforted just in each other’s presence.

Eventually, as my exegetical commitments became more strenuous, she didn’t want to hear about my feelings, my pessimism and lack of hope in the post-enlightenment world; my despair at the hopelessness of mankind and my own lack of hope in what I was supposed to be in Sinistre*; she would just reply without concern, with callous, and a lack of sensitivity. I lost her, because we made a boundary.

I fear boundaries can be dangerous to intimacy and genuine empathy. Yet, boundaries are necessary to separate us from the things which don’t make us intimate with who we are; so I can imagine two lawyers who are married not talking about work when they are together; unless someone’s visiting.

I miss her deeply…
I think Michael’s extra-Noumenal project is wonderful. We ruined Michael’s original two blogs by creating boundaries, so much as to deviate his own self-intimacy. I guess that’s the moral of the story.

Sinistre

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