The two tragedies of grief

Grief can be characterised by the response to a significant loss. A lot happens in the experience and process of grief. Grief consists of coming to terms with a relationship of the past; and coming to terms with its termination. Insofar as one experiences strong grief, one finds that an important relationship, bond, or characteristic has ended. We hardly care for those insignificant things that we lose; but those things of greater significance we have greater response to.

Grief can tell us how much we appreciated, or felt about a thing posthumously, even if that importance was hitherto unnoticed. There are two tragedies of grief:

1. Losing the thing you love

To lose the thing of great importance is to come to the recognition of its importance, only by means of loss. “He meant the world to me, and I never realised.” “He was so special, I always knew,. but now, he’s gone forever, and there will be no other like him.” To experience such loss of such an important person is terrifically painful, the understanding cannot come to terms with what intuition we can only experience and truly appreciate when we are in the synchronic (nowness) temporal state. But what is worse than grief? Getting over it

2. Getting over the thing you love

To overcome, and cease to greive, is to come to terms with what once was, and never shall be. And in some way, retrospect in such a way as to be unaffected. No one will deny the specialness of that moment, of when ‘then’ was the ‘now’. However, coming to terms with the beauty of the past, and consigning it to that, the past, is to undermine the specialness of what it once was. What is more tragic than losing the one you love than to forget how special he was…

Antisophie

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