My Esher Greenwood…

Michael suggested some months ago that I read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. It’s one of the most uncomfortable books I’ve ever read. The book, however, reminded me of some fond memories. A few years back, before the three of us took on other names; I knew someone quite like the title character. I was instantly reminded of an old friend of mine, Laura.

The cynicism of Esher Greenwood, and her complete ambivalence to society; her emphasis on academic learning and her complete sense of loss in terms of not knowing what to do, how all over options outside of the academy and literature seem so irrelevant.

Laura was just the same; we studied philosophy together some years ago. We met in a similar mindset and a similar situation. She had a focus on Aristotle and virtue ethics at the time, and she had the most fascinating interest in books; we had quite a fruitful exchange of views, however I failed to convince her that Heavy Metal was a good artform. In many ways , she reminds me very much of Antisophie.

The most inspiring thing I learned from her was that she told me that one day, once all the contingencies of our current situation would go away, I would eventually become someone special. Laura thought things of me I never would have believed of myself, she gave me confidence and put who I was, what I was, into some real context.

It’s no secret that we had feelings for each other. Knowing Laura defined the place I was once in, and where I am now, by context of framing the difference from now to then.

You will be an incredible lover, she said, we’d be great together, she said. It never really worked out between us because she was in a different place. While she was scholarly, she did try to tell me that I was different from everyone else, and I would never be like her; which in turn made me incredibly special.

Just reading The Bell Jar reminds me of that girl who prophetically spoke of my future. We lost contact around the same time that Sinistre Prime returned. I still think of her with much fondness. She was one of those people who made me who I am today. I miss her…

Sinistre

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